Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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