I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
