my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
