Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
