I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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