Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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