Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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