New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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