It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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