Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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