Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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