doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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