Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
