Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
