I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
