Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
