Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
