Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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