I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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