just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
