Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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