I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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