i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
