he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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