Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
