JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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