I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
