you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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