my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
