Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
