you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
