At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
