I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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