Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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