Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
