I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
