happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
