Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
