nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
