Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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