ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
