Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
