I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
