You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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