it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
