Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
