Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
