its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
