Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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