dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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