you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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