I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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