so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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