Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it hurts more in the daytime
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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