the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
