apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
