Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
handjob tips. give me some.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
