The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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