matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
