My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
