There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
