I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
