How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
